Thursday 7 April 2016


I've had a lot of thoughts in my head this week, but have had a hard time trying to translate them into coherent ideas that can be written (or typed) down. So today is a post for the sake of posting (and my sanity).

Here are the things that have been on my mind lately:

1) I find it so hard to blog sometimes, because I often think that I'm not talking to anyone. It is a blank wall and there is no one interested in what I have to say - so why post, or make effort into making anything look nice, at all? What's the point if no one's looking at it?

Well, does it really matter if no one is looking at it? Couldn't it just be for myself? Yes, of course it can. In fact I've loved to look back on things I've kept that I have written in the past. I've read my past writings many times and have often looked back on those periods of my time with some reflection.

However, this doesn't mean I still don't find it hard to do things for myself. Things that will matter one day - that I will want to look back on. I think this has to do with extreme procrastination and laziness. It also has got to do with a lot of self-loathing as I have been self-destructive in the past and don't have the highest opinion of myself. Therefore I do not deserve to have happy moments to look back on - I have written too many things that have painted myself in a bad light and all the tough moments, but rarely the good things.

After all one bad thing is often spotted a mile off in a sea of brilliant blessings.

2) My cousin's grandmother passed away a couple of weeks ago and despite trying to get a hold of her since then she has not once picked up any of my countless phone calls. It's left me disheartened.

3) The lack of time spent with my husband makes me frustrated and sad

4) I'm thinking about trying to teach my little cousins Qur'aan - a very fresh, very new thought. It was brought on by the fact that I will need to teach mine soon and practice would not go amiss. I have also not been in the teaching game for quite a while. I am unsure of how it would work out, how I would try and teach her especially if something doesn't sink in well. I'm not a qualified teacher and although I have some experience, I'm not sure if I'm up for it or not. I am thinking of planning a way to do these lessons, making Istikhaara and then broaching the idea.

These ones are the most prominent in my mind and it was nice to let these thoughts out. So on my last note have a look at the view I had yesterday;

What's been on your mind lately? What kind of therapy works for you?

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