Therapy

I've had a lot of thoughts in my head this week, but have had a hard time trying to translate them into coherent ideas that can be written (or typed) down. So today is a post for the sake of posting (and my sanity).

Here are the things that have been on my mind lately:

1) I find it so hard to blog sometimes, because I often think that I'm not talking to anyone. It is a blank wall and there is no one interested in what I have to say - so why post, or make effort into making anything look nice, at all? What's the point if no one's looking at it?

Well, does it really matter if no one is looking at it? Couldn't it just be for myself? Yes, of course it can. In fact I've loved to look back on things I've kept that I have written in the past. I've read my past writings many times and have often looked back on those periods of my time with some reflection.

However, this doesn't mean I still don't find it hard to do things for myself. Things that will matter one day - that I will want to look back on. I think this has to do with extreme procrastination and laziness. It also has got to do with a lot of self-loathing as I have been self-destructive in the past and don't have the highest opinion of myself. Therefore I do not deserve to have happy moments to look back on - I have written too many things that have painted myself in a bad light and all the tough moments, but rarely the good things.

After all one bad thing is often spotted a mile off in a sea of brilliant blessings.

2) My cousin's grandmother passed away a couple of weeks ago and despite trying to get a hold of her since then she has not once picked up any of my countless phone calls. It's left me disheartened.

3) The lack of time spent with my husband makes me frustrated and sad

4) I'm thinking about trying to teach my little cousins Qur'aan - a very fresh, very new thought. It was brought on by the fact that I will need to teach mine soon and practice would not go amiss. I have also not been in the teaching game for quite a while. I am unsure of how it would work out, how I would try and teach her especially if something doesn't sink in well. I'm not a qualified teacher and although I have some experience, I'm not sure if I'm up for it or not. I am thinking of planning a way to do these lessons, making Istikhaara and then broaching the idea.


These ones are the most prominent in my mind and it was nice to let these thoughts out. So on my last note have a look at the view I had yesterday;

What's been on your mind lately? What kind of therapy works for you?

Life Update #1

Days like today are special because its a day where I can say that it was a really good one and at the end of the night I might not be feeling a 100% in body but I'm feeling it at mind and that's most important.

There's a lot of days more than I would like to admit that I dont feel good at all. I'm tired and cranky and I'm just not enjoying life. It's the kind of tired where I could have 10 years of sleep and I would still feel abssolutely awful still. It's a state of mind I don't always have control of, but today I'm putting it all behind me.

I feel great today. I missed my baby and I played with her and I had a good day with her and I was sad when it was bed time because I wanted to spend more time with her. These days dont come often and they're not always perfect. I could have been a lot more productive than I was and I wanted to be more productive but that's okay. I felt really good today it was a really good day in a sea of bad weeks.

Conversation with a friend

There was a quote from tumblr about one person asking why do the best people die
And the other persons says when you go to a field of flowers which ones do you pick
The answer being the prettiest
And i think thats a crap question and its a crap answer in that context
It goes well with things that we like personally in life though
We pick the things we find prettiest and then they get taken away because they wilt
The thing betweens you wilts
And its not a bad thing
It just has to happen in a lot of cases
Lots of things wilt
So you have to keep picking
And you shouldnt betray that thing before its time is up
You have to let it run its course
And enjoy it
And when it goes then mourn it and move on
And when another thing crops up and it looks like a past one you have to make a decision whether theyre worth picking and if you cant find anything wrong with the thing itself then not to be clouded by how you felt with those last wilted things
Its good to let things play out and to enjoy it and its important to learn not to get tangled up like you did previously. Everything happened for a reason